Breathe & let go of the judgement

There are days when all you can do is shake your head & hopefully the stuff you don't need out; the stuff that takes up way too much of your time & energy. This is the stuff of other people's opinions & judgements, that makes days harder, often disguised as friends, family or good advice. Sometimes you don't even ask for it, let alone need it, yet it's there & at times can be so overwhelming the disappointment of not being how others expect you to be can be the catalyst for depression, withdrawal socially, anger, frustration & worse. Nothing good comes from the judgement of others in its negative forms.

The truth is anything which does not improve your sense of self, lifts you to a positive outcome is not help & it isn't good advice. There is a skill to communicating & few care to learn therefore neglect the potential outcomes by misguided & false advice. Just because you know words & can use them to verbalise yourself, does not equate to good communication skills.

Not to be confused with the hard stuff good friends are made of. When you are at risk to yourself or to others & great friends step in to show you the way, rather than tell you what to do & step back & let you fall on your face. It's the false stuff that people show in their body language, in the their eye contact, in the words they say & don't say, it's the stuff you over hear or when someone forgets to disconnect the phone & you get a little insight into what people think of you when they think you are not listening - that is judgement in its ugliest form. It's also ignorance, it's also harmful & dangerous. It's the conversations people have with you all the while attempting to reassure you they are there to support you & then turn to someone else or their partner or their children & repeat a different story. Nothing is more hurtful than discovering falsities in people you care about. 

Our intrinsic need, one of the most basic human drives is our need to connect & belong. Imagine the realisation that you are in the wrong place with the wrong people & heading down the wrong path.  It takes an awfully strong individual to be capable of leaving the environment which spends more time bringing you down through judgement and assumptions than lifting you up so you can go forward with support and encouragement. 

I've heard it all, judgements of children from parents, judgements of so-called friends, judgements about partners, even the tiring judgement of complete strangers by merely reading an article in the newspaper or watching a t.v. report & forming an assumption (a sense of entitlement), a self righteous view that they could possibly understand the complex background to why a person behaves as they do. 

As someone whose role was to form judgements through professional assessment there is a risk of getting it wrong without substantiated evidence. This isn't needed in our day to day lives nor is it ever used. How quickly I have learned this over the past few years as I began to ignore and even let go of the relationships with people who knew me the least yet made the most judgements. What I discovered was a lightness to my heart & an improvement in my mental health when I let go of the people & relationships which did not serve my best interest, which drained my sense of self, lowered me to feeling insecure & unworthy, to feel lost or confused. By letting go of such relationships I allowed more room for the right people to enter my life. 

There is nothing more telling about a person than when they unleash their judgements about you, about your decisions, what you should be doing (if they were you), how your parenting could be better, who you love, what choices you make, how you spend your money, your time, your energy.

It is far more easier for people to accept a lie than to confront the truth. We see this in the media, in public lives every day. In the last few years there has been an increase in sexual assault claims of public profiles in the entertainment industry & perusing the comments on line I've noticed it is far more comfortable for people to accept someone's lie than it is to challenge their false reality.

When people judge you, when you listen to them judge others, it tells far more about their own insecurities than it does about you. There are those who judge people by the way they dress, their tattoos, their hair styles, the most ridiculous shallow judgements are those of physical appearance. Some years ago we were travelling throughout Australia & camped overnight in a remote location in the Northern Territory. Up the back, away from all the other campers was this amazing flash looking bus, brand new & the travelling environment you dream you could take your children in. No one seemed to know who it belonged to. There was this guy wandering around the park at times, he seemed to walk everywhere; complete with rubber thongs, unshaven, stubbies (if you are not an Aussie these are little short shorts) & a blue singlet. So you could imagine the surprise of some campers when they realised this incredibly nice guy was once an extremely successful property developer & decided he wanted more from life & sold everything up to hit the road. He traded in his business suits & Merc for a bus & thongs & off he went.

Further down the road we had more & more experiences; there was the time late on a Friday arvo, stranded on the Nullabor & the kids were all down with a vomiting bug & I had failed to notice my EFT card had expired & being a Friday didn't have time to transfer a little more. We had 3 days until Monday, sick kids & no cash & driving a large 4WD that took a lot to fuel up. So we pitched our tent in the free zone to ride it out. If you ask the kids today they will say it was our 'hell on earth'. A few times we went to use the only what we thought 'free' toilet in the area at a local service station, until the owner came out to tell me off for taking advantage of her business (free toilet?) & I walked off in tears, by then I had also come down with the same bug. Approximately 30 minutes later a man came over, covered head to toe in tatts, teeth missing, what some would consider 'scary' with a few coins to go & use the showers/toilets over the back which were reserved for the caravan park & a bag with fresh milk/water a few treats for the kids & an apology for the lady.  He had noticed us for the few days & explained to the owner her assumptions were incorrect & reminded her that come Monday we would have to spend several hundred dollars at her service station to fuel up & get the hell out of there.

I can't tell you the number of stories complete strangers have been kinder to us than the people we know. The problem appears to be those closest to you see one version of your personality & believe they understand everything about you & can develop an ignorant sense of entitlement to remind you of all the mistakes you make (their perceived mistakes).

In reality - IT IS YOUR LIFE & yes it hurts & it is difficult to stay with people & be tolerant when you are constantly being judged by people you know are merely projecting on you their own inadequacy & wish that their life was different & through their excuses of having 'learned the hard way' feel it a right to tell you what you need to change. In reality there are some people who are so afraid of examining their own life & spending their time working on their own issues, it is much easier to focus on you.

I've heard people who drink like fish every day, talk about others alcoholic problems; I've heard people discuss the marriage failings of others all the while ignoring their own falling apart. I've had the judgements about parenting from people whose children are off the rails & out of control. When people fear their own reality they feel no other instinctive option than to focus on someones life other than their own.

How easy it is to dish out arm chair advice to someone going through hell, someone homeless when you have a roof over your head? Bullying is a form of judgement, its others telling you things you don't need or want to hear about yourself. In the adult form bullying continues by people who disguise themselves as 'caring' or 'helping' yet really become comfortable in their closeness to you & when the judging & assuming starts you need to pick yourself up & put a lot more distance between you so they may get the message (although they may never do that) & you can protect yourself. No matter how hard you try to defend yourself & educate people about your reality, there are some people who love to sit down & spend more time talking about you than helping you, let them go, you don't need people in your life who do not serve your best interest.

As someone who has a heavy load every day & some days it is unbearable, I just politely smile at people & try to ignore the many responses I could say about their lives & just breathe & walk away. There are some days I want to walk so far I cannot hear the sound of some people's voices anymore, I want to go so far that everything becomes quiet & the assuming & judgement ceases to exist.

The truth is we are all trying to survive here, we are hoping to get the most we can out of this life in the way we know how, with the experience, skill & knowledge we have; remembering no two people are ever the same, so why on earth would you assume to know what someone should do. There are options & there is advice, yet make it worth their while, where they feel good about themselves. Ask yourself is it coming from what you would do or what they would do. I would lay money on it that 99% of the time people give advice based on what they would do & find it extremely difficult to stop & think long enough about being in someone else's shoes.

Sometimes people with depression, mental health issues, stress, may already be running with a full cup. They have no more room for your unsolicited advice. They need someone to carry their cup for them or to help take some out, not to put more in & tell them what they should be doing instead of where they are at now. This can be the difference whether someone survives life or not.

I tell my children when you've had enough rough play or the joke is going too far to voice it to people & then the onus is on them to listen & to hear what you've said. The youngest one has sometimes raised her hand & said 'stop it I don't like it' & her older siblings think of only their needs & the keep going & before long she has ended up in tears & no one is having fun anymore. Adults are the same, if you listen carefully people will tell you when they've had enough, maybe it's in their body language, they might stop calling, they might tell you directly; sometimes their cup is full & they need you to take some time off from the judgement & assumptions as they try to catch their breathe.

Whether your friend or family member has an addiction or a struggle or they have major stress in their life & they appear to you to be 'screwing it up', just take a deep breathe & think before you say 'you could ......' or 'you should........' or 'I was just trying to help'. It is helpful if it is needed, it is not help if it hurts or makes things harder for the person.When you tell someone your judgements & assumptions, which cut to the core of stuff they are dealing with, take a moment & ask yourself are you making this harder for them or easier? Are you really helping or are you judging & assuming you know better, when you don't have a clue what they are going through.

Ask yourself - DO YOU REALLY KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS PERSON?

The truth - no one really knows the whole person. The only way we get to know each other is by listening without judgement and assumptions, without preconceived pattern & history, without relating it to our own life & experience.

THIS PERSON IS NOT YOU!

I dare any person to stand up & tell me they've been through what I've gone through & then see if they would have the same outcomes & be the same person. Dare you.

Try butting out a bit more & butting out in private as well, don't save your judgement for behind close doors & then watch it filter through as the lies you tell yourself about others, through your misunderstanding, lack of education, lack of experience (how many people do you know who have had relatively easy lives & yet continually pass judgement on those who have not? How can you possibly judge a person who chooses to be single if you have been co dependent your whole life? How can you judge someones parenting if you are non existent in your own role? How can you judge someone else's health if you are an alcoholic? How can you possibly pass judgement on a single Mum with an incredibly difficult load to carry when you have a husband & a life without uncertainty & you can plan a year ahead, when some of us are living day to day?

Judging & assuming is a 'dangerous game' - we all have our own stuff to deal with, based on OUR experiences, OUR lives & OUR reality. Time to get off everyone elses case & focus more on what's in your own backyard.

In a society where suicide is at its highest in history, where more people are feeling so lost, so overwhelmed & alone, mental health is increasing & the DSM (the statistical manual for diagnoses) is becoming one of the largest books of our time, something needs to be done to put down the judgement & assumptions & pick up the compassion, the patience, the love & sensitivity to each other.

There is nothing more soul destroying than projecting onto a person a sense of not being good enough. When I see people doing this through their sexism, racism, abuse of their partners, making jokes at their partners or friends expense & think its funny, when they use sarcasm as a front for their own self loathing, when I observe the behaviours of others I feel so sad for their journey, their struggle, how lost they have become from themselves, how detached & disconnected from who they are.

Despite my failed marriage & the outcomes of all those years when my ex was in the ADF, I have to say the help & support was incredible compared to 'civilian' life. When my son had cancer someone would help with his injections when my husband was away, there was the kind woman who had 5 children of her own & a busy life & she would make a pot of something, bake fresh bread & organise to even have the washing folded while I was at the hospital all day. There were people who through their small acts of kindness made a very difficult time that much easier.

I am so grateful for the true friends who listen, who I know are there, yet there are days and sometimes too often when people forget we are stills swimming up hill with a full pack & we don't need their judgement or assumptions and we are very very very tired of carrying this load. Maybe it is nearing time to put a lot of distance between us & the judgement again, maybe its time to just pack up & go so we can breathe & how sad it is that sometimes it takes that in order to survive.

If you can do anything today, try saying something nice, being nice, helping someone, even a stranger, you just never know, you might be the difference to whether someone has had enough or holds on a little longer. Namaste xoxox

"The reality is that most people are just doing what they’re doing. Constructing stories and explanations for other people’s choices and behavior is a dangerous game. Everyone has their stuff, their fears and pain and raw, unhealed places. We all have our worries and obsessions and dreams and occasional absurdities. We’ve all had our particular life experiences which have shaped us and informed the way we feel about the world and other people." Ally

Health & Happiness & the truth about butter

It's rather arrogant & yet funny at the same time that Australians & even in the US/UK, citizens are often seen to take information from other countries when someone thinks they've discovered an answer to improve our health & well being, 'oh look they have a lot of olive oil in their diet, it must be good for us' & then add it in, not just a little, in everything. Marketing pours in telling us we need more of it & if we just add more our health will improve. We've done this with education 'oh look Reggio is great in Italy, let's do that here', totally forgetting the overall culture, the lifestyle, way of life is very different to our own, ignoring the budget support from the local councils in Reggio or the history behind the beautiful Malaguzzi inspired services for children & hence why being tokenistic about health or education never works. Years ago when I was casual teaching, I would come across these beautifully aesthetic pre school environments & not one aspect of our indigenous history, the very culture that is the foundation of this country was represented in those rooms, of course culture borrowed from Italy was far more relevant (or so they believed) than embracing our own heritage. We still teach French in schools across this country & yet how many schools know their local Aboriginal language & how many Aboriginal languages have been lost since occupation of these shores by white man? Australians are becoming more known for as the chameleon at the party than leaders in culture & patriotism. We adapt & take from other cultures whatever we like & as a multicultural society this is of course to be expected. Yet to disregard our very strengths & to import Baramundi from Asia for our major supermarket chains when we have the best Baramundi in the world, we have to start considering it is time to grab that pendulum & stop it swinging & we've taken this all a little bit too far. You can't take a little & add it to something which has a lot of issues & a lot of attitude about those issues.

Some years (decades ago) we were told butter was bad for us, full cream milk (although I still think its weird how we are the only species/mammal that keeps drinking/using milk after child rearing) even eggs, the list went on & fully supported by the industry & marketing enthusiasts who continued to dictate to us what we should & shouldn't eat. Few took the time to think for themselves, asked the hard questions - why when there was a huge slump in wheat exports & countries were suffering greatly, did a healthy food pyramid suddenly appear that told us carbohydrates in the form or breads & pasta was not only good for us, it should be the largest staple in our diet! Why because it was funded by the very industry needing to increase their profit & wow did it work. Within a decade a whole profit driven fast food industry was born, hamburgers were considered healthy, with all that salad how could they not & plus it was a bread roll, bonus health! At the same time the statistics went charging upwards for the wheat industry, the obesity epidemic was born & the fast food industry & the increase in heart disease, preventable disease & the demand on health services in our country.

As I said it is sort of arrogant & yet naive to hand your health over to your government & not ask or research the information yourself, come on people do you really trust the people who need to think about big business & profit? Someone jumps on the band wagon with a little information & then rams it down everyone's throat & people make these drastic changes (over the top) to their diets. We need more wheat, we need less eggs, less butter, less full cream anything. Then the diet & lite industry is born. Have you looked at the shelves lately, watched people standing there reading the labels to try & find something which actually means what it says?

We live in a country where lite can be colour, it doesn't have to mean good for you. When something is low in fat, low can often equal high in processed something else. If you want healthy food go back to basics, cut out processed altogether, go raw, go naked, give up reading labels & listening to the profit driven industry tell you that you'll be fine as long as you have that processed milk & cereal & throw a few blueberries on it for breakfast, put something green in your smoothy; why oh why do people not listen to the voice of their body crying out, begging them to listen to why they are angry, irritable, can't poo, their tummy goes up like a balloon, they feel crap after eating! You are not your neighbour or friend, we each have different body types, we have histories of family illness, preventable disease, risk factors. What works for one may not work for someone else. What is important, is listening to the changes & voice of your body. How does food make your skin feel? How regular are you using the bathroom? Are you tired or too energetic that you can't sleep? Food is a major power source for modifying many of our simple ailments before they develop into cardiovascular disease, cancers or death.

What anthropologists learn from studying other cultures is heart disease & cancer & even mental health is lower in these countries because of the whole health approach & full diet differences that would require us to over haul our lives, not just say 'oh this fat is bad & this one is good'.

When we stepped off that plane in Rome & finally put down our bags in our room we were famished. It didn't matter that technically it would have been breakfast time at home, we headed straight for the flashing pizza lights across the road & ordered up. There was no puff this or cheese filled stuffed that. No pastry that tasted more of processed something than of real ancient wheat grains & cheese that was the colour of sunshine from the processed taste increases used to keep you wanting it. We ate real pizza; pizza made as it has been since Queen Margerite was indulged with the first Margarita, flying the colours of Italy, basil for the green, tomatoes for the red & cheese for the white (yes cheese was white!).

What I noticed as we ate our way through our travels was the balance of food (water & fruit on the table) & even wine with our meals. yes it was relatively normal to have a glass (yep just 1) with our meal, sometimes two, even 1 at lunch. It wasn't a whole bottle or two, we didn't need carrying out the door or a taxi. In Pompeii our tour stopped at a lovely old restaurant & following a 3 course lunch of salads, pasta, fruit & wine, there was no tummy swelling, no 'omgosh I can't fit another thing', the food was fresh, it was real, it was without the processed ingredients a society demands in order to cut back on time in the kitchen waiting for good food to arrive. It was delicious & authentic.

We know....... the healthy fats found in nuts, vegetables etc are good for us, we know real olive oil (not the boutique crap that you buy for a fortune & think it is better yet oxidizes in the pan & then is just crap), we know real butter (not the fake stuff or the lite stuff or the cheap stuff) is good for you, we know coconut oil, coconut flours, coconut in general which has been widely used in healthy heart countries is good for you when combined with vegetables, fish, nuts, pulses (not layered in muesli bars or sweet treats loaded with processed sugars.

We know that over the decades our supermarkets are filled with more labels & processed foods than ever before & yet they are still in demand. We know heart disease & mental health & preventable disease in our cultures is still far from under control. We know binge drinking & alcohol is more about avoiding real life in this country than enjoying it. We know that processed crap, which we have been using now since post WWII, because the demand went up to have food faster & easier, so that families could spend less time at the table & in the kitchen & work harder & spend more time spending their money than saving it, is screwing with our bodies & instead of going back to basics & cutting out the processed crap, people spend more money signing up to gym memberships they never use, running their frustrations out & creating more bone density issues & draining the medical industry more. Come on people, get real. Take charge of what you eat & what goes into your body, it's the only one you have.

We know that those cultures where there is lower heart disease & better mental health, don't appear to have this all consuming materialistic drive, they are not the individualistic motivated society we live in. They spend time together as a family, as a community, they care about their neighbours, about each other, children are raised in communities not by governments & education departments, friends are for life, marriage & commitment still has meaning - life is very very different in these cultures - food is a celebration of tradition, a family get together (in some areas of Australia we've become more concerned about the size of our outdoor BBQ & house, the houses which are bigger with more rooms, yet less children & BBQ's that are more about showing off your skills than spending time with neighbours, because now we've become so busy most people don't know who their neighbours are!); food is an extension of a nations culture (what does this say about Australia?), not just who can stuff the most on the their plate & eat the fastest & replicate those meals we see on t.v.. Life is enjoyable. Food is to be enjoyed.

In those cultures where overall health is different to the results we are seeing here, exercise is not just an industry or something you must schedule in or stick a video in to squeeze in between your morning latte' & paper reading; its a way of life, dance, music & art are embraced. There are many nations in the world where the slim, carefully edited glossy magazine cover bodies would be considered unattractive & unwell. Bodies are to be celebrated, healthy, curvy, sexy bodies. Nothing is more attractive than a happy soul, joyous & full of life; a person who loves life, enjoys food & taking care of themselves. In countries where it is OK to have a few curves, people feel good about themselves, they are more likely to socialise, spend time outdoors, with family, friends & less time worrying about their appearance.

Can you see where this goes & how it works? Food & what you think of food, how you use food can completely alter the function of your body, inside & out & feed the thoughts you tell yourself, alter your behaviour, change your relationships with people, how you interact, what career you chose, what life you live. One would think that food, should be a priority. Yes reading & writing is vital to our children's development, yet so is food, water & a safe home to live in. Human beings are the most dependent species on the planet. Why not teach children to be more independent, to understand good food, how to use it & start taking care of their health, preventing long term disease, reversing the pattern & history & ignorance of our past. When we learn more about food, the truth, the naked raw truth about what we eat, we are empowered with decisions we never knew were possible. Give a person a fish, they have a meal, teach a person to fish & they have a food source for life. I started with my children when they were little, I told them they each needed to come up with one meal a week to cook as a main meal. When my 6 year old learned how to make rice wraps, we had rice wraps once a week until she learned another & another. I let them make their own breakfast & gave them choices. There were none of those silly rules about green veggies are just for dinner, you can eat vegetables, fruits, salad anytime & water was always available & sometimes the only thing available. You are the power behind what your children put in their mouths, you buy it, you give it to them. You are deciding the health of your children by what you choose to put in their mouths.

I've been having eggs nearly every single day for the last few years, sometimes I have spinach & vegetables with my breakfast, sometimes I follow it up with fruit, Greek yoghurt, nuts. The other day was my daughters birthday & as the only vegan in the house she was cautious about anyone else making her birthday cake & decided to make her own. A layer of coconut infused grains & oils, packed into the bottom of the pan, layered as a cheesecake (without cheese of course being a vegan), filled with yummy dates, nuts, cacao & drizzled with what looked like chocolate & tastes better than the fake stuff you unwrap from the supermarket that was sourced from child labour from the West Coast of Africa; yet was just a blend of cacao & dates & coconut oil. Everyone who tasted it couldn't believe there wasn't one thing in it that wasn't good for you, how could something good for you taste so good?

I've taken to this fetish of pan fried large mushrooms, with red onion, fresh coriander, kale & spicy lentils, just talking about it now gives me an appetite. Sometimes I top it off with a sprinkle of goat cheese.

Good food does taste good, it tastes damn fantastic. You feel it in your bones, in your brain, you don't feel sluggish or overloaded, your tummy doesn't bloat, your bowel works a treat, that's because real food, the unprocessed, back to basics food is great for us, it was how it was supposed to be, before we stuffed around with it to make more time for keeping busy & less time in the kitchen. Great food radiates in your skin.

If you put more time into learning how to use real food, to cook from scratch, with NO processed foods, to live without that disgusting processed sugar (which is more addictive than some illicit drugs), if you learn to give your body a natural high, rather than a quick fix carbonated caffeine filled kill your feel good ...... drink, you won't look back. Our tummy bloats for a reason. Gluten is difficult for any person to process not just the gluten intolerant, it takes a hell of a lot of time for the body to sort it & get it through, you don't need an allergy or intolerance to know when your body is struggling to process something. The thing is it's mixed with other processed crap & processed sugars & don't fall for the huge gluten free product market, check them out, make time.  Many have added other nasties just to get you thinking you are doing the right thing. If you want something to taste good, then go to the effort of making it feel good for your body at the same time.

Someone said to me a few weeks ago 'but it's so expensive to eat healthy'. If it's expensive then you are doing it all wrong. You don't need that packaged stuff to diet & stay healthy, you need a good farmers market, a few friends to buy bulk or family, shop around, find a green grocer & watch your recycle bin go down with less packaging & overall you will have a better impact on the environment & you'll notice a huge difference to your food bill. You may need to shop more often, to keep things fresh, yet you could always plan your week better & work around the extra trips. Better still, gather seedlings from friends, join a co-op for seeds/plants & put in your own garden. Gardens are now on balconies, in apartments, up walls. We are out of excuses.

When I mention to people how much I love yoga, there is the natural assumption yoga=weird stretchy poses. The asanas, which are the 'weird stretchy poses', make up a small portion of what yoga is about. It is a lifestyle choice. OK there are some out there have done as I described above & taken a little of the good stuff & put it into their life & then tell others 'it doesn't work' because their body doesn't look like those 'yoga freaks' gracing health magazines, tight biceps & trim little butts, well neither do I or do I aspire to this image either, that's definitely not what yoga is about. There is a philosophy behind yoga, a tradition that goes back many many years, its just as much about your inside health as your outer, about your thoughts, your behaviour, your beliefs (self, others, world). So eating healthy & wanting to treat my body with more respect is part of an overall acceptance that it is the only body I have & a gift to be enjoyed, not to be taken for granted & I am the sum of all my choices & the people I share my life with.

Our bodies have a voice, they tell us when something we are doing isn't working, when we feel ill, over weight, bloated, stomach pain, headaches, disease, lethargy, sleep all the time; what you put into your body is the fuel to keep your brain & body going. If you are more concerned about how your body looks than how it feels, well there are plenty of people out there to help you with that & I could tell you the trajectory for the path you are headed down, but why spoil the journey.

It's not rocket science, you just have to want to know. Stop listening to all the marketing hype & the sell sell sell promotions to get you to want more of the wrong stuff. We survived to evolve for a reason, without the processed stuff, without fast food. We've done more damage to our bodies than ever before in history, become more vain & more disconnected from each other than ever before. What have we done with all that time we save by not being in the kitchen? How much time do you save by using the drive-thru? What do you do with that time? You buy more take away & work harder....good luck with that.

"Studies  of people in Samoa and the Cook Islands from the 1960s found that although people ate diets  high in coconut they had  little heart disease – but  along with coconut  oil  they ate a limited diet based on a few staple foods like fish, taro, breadfruit and  bananas and  no processed food. They also ate the coconut flesh, not just the oil – that's very different to saying you can add coconut oil to a typical western diet and get a benefit," she says.

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/diet-and-fitness/chew-on-this/butter-is-a-healthy-fat--who-says-20140427-375hq.html

Give your body a chance, give it good food & make great choices about what fuel you feed your body to power your brain & energise your soul. If you like your nuts & you've ever had a snickers (the fake thing wrapped in plastic) & some of this naked truth is sinking in & still need convincing that you can still have treats, good food does actually taste great then try my daughter's smoothy treat for a spin on something you enjoyed previously that was all processed.

Blend  - Cacao, peanut butter (organic), agave & almond milk - OMGosh a treat that tastes like it, feels like it & looks like it & without the nasty. I just downloaded 100 different healthy smoothy app to see if I can change up the ones I usually throw together. No longer do I have this structured ideas about what should & shouldn't go together, I just give it a whirl & see how it tastes.

I don't do sauces unless I make them or dressings. I do fresh & raw & naked food, food as it was meant to be. I do use herbs, fresh & dried & spices in my food, nothing better for the metabolism than heating it up.

I would like to leave my children with a legacy of health, not a pattern & history of preventable disease. I would like to enjoy being energetic well into my prime (which even nearing 50 in a few years hasn't happened yet!). I want to feel sexy, not just look the part (without the plastic) & I don't want to be popping pills to get my body to perform the way it should naturally. So I chose good, real, naked food over quick & easy processed every time.

Breakfast is up - yummmmmm. Diced mangoe, banana, with a sprinkle of LSA after my eggs :)

Get real about yourself, do yourself a favour , eat authentic food as it was meant to be. Get naked about food. Live longer, happier & healthier.

Namaste xo

A woman of worth

The more I see in others, the less I want, the more I know myself; who I am, why I am & where I am going, the girl I was, the woman I became, the woman I am worth.

I am not the girl in the bar, on the corner begging you to stay, to come home; to change my light bulbs or mow my lawn. I won’t chase you til you stay. When I run it’s to clear & nurture my body. I won’t need your brawn or your intellect, I have my own & I use it. I won’t need to pack it into storage when your insecurities are challenged. I am worth listening to without preconceived answers & ending my sentences.

I am the woman of all those before me; those who died for love, starved & beaten to meet your needs, we learned & we adapted. I changed, I grew from the girl I was to the woman I became & yet to be.

I won’t need you to run my errands, steer my car, show me the way; I’ll enjoy your strength & self assurance, your interests & honesty. I have few needs or wants, only your courage to be truthful, ability to be the man among the boys who are too busy drinking away their self worth. I am not a joke at parties or the poor excuse for cheap humor. I am worth more.

I am not the woman you cut your dating teeth on, your accessory or late night ride. You can see me as an equal, more than a mother, a wife, a girlfriend, and your piece of something or not see me at all. I won’t stay while you vent your immaturity on my patience. I won’t wait for wounds to heal so you can re open them each time you fear yourself more than you fear me leaving.

I am worth growing up for, growing old with. I am worth more than your past failures, the one who walked away. I am not your trust issues or a little girl with a little boy. I am my own person; I’ll give what I receive. I’ll hurt and I’ll repair. I’ll let go & walk on, I'll go so far that we may never cross paths again. I won’t stay without respect, I won’t thrive without love. If I am to be all of me, then you are to be all of you, there is no other balance worth staying for.

I am not a perfect body, I am not perfect. I am moving forward with the lessons I have learned, I am putting one foot in front of the other. You can choose to walk beside me or fall behind. I am creative & a thinker, I ask hard questions. I am different, I am weird & amazing. I am not the girl next door or the one you wish you had. If you are going to fight for me, then fight your inner demons, grow into your manhood & treat me in the manner I deserve. 

If you can stand in your vulnerability & in the absence of all the answers, if you can be turned on by my conversation as much as my nakedness, then I will never leave you. I will hold you in my soul as we travel millions of miles apart & in my arms when you feel for the first time the pattern & history that has shaped you.  

I will grow old, I will change and I will never be the same as the days pass. I will change with you & for you. When you step up, you will find me there waiting. I am worth staying for, worth more than finding better. I am the arms that hold you long enough that all your fears disappear; I am the smile in a distance that feels like coming home. I am worth respect, worth persistence, worth long drives & tired mornings.

I am more than my boobs or my booty, my curves and 5 minutes of pleasure. I enjoy your touch as much as you will want mine. I don’t just meet needs, I have my own. I am not the pool you dip your toe in to check the temperature. I am the deep end. I am worth the longest dive without ever knowing if you can touch the bottom. I am the risky swing from a lakeside rope & throwing your whole self in without a second thought & ever having the certainty of what lies beneath.

I am worth my every achievement, my moments; birthday, special occasions & effort to celebrate, time to remember, my choices & style. I won’t dress to please you unless it moves me as much as you, I’ll give more than you imagined possible when you give more than you receive. I am worth my tears & imperfections, my struggles & the mountains I climb. 

I am not the mother you wish you had, the family you didn’t stay for. I am the woman you dreamed may never exist. I am worth holding doors for, taking midnight turns with children for. I am worth my passions, ideas & goals. I don’t need a man I roll over to avoid, to close my eyes & wish I was anywhere than beside him. I want to close my eyes & gasp another breathe through ecstasy & joy before I’d stay for someone I can't bear to see.

I don’t do expectations, I do showing up, staying & commitment. I don’t do small talk, insignificant banter. I care about what goes on in your life, my life & the big picture. I am worth the friendship before the lust, I am worth the wait before the rush; I am worth the effort to ask how to make this work rather than ease of letting go.

I am all the women before me, their wildest imaginations & bravest days. I am never going to be who I was; I will be growing as fast as I learn. I don’t need you, I will want you, every part of you & want you to stay, to hold my hand, to keep me warm & love me despite our differences. I am the other half of the soul you went looking for in material possessions, in careers & healthy bank accounts.

I am not fake, yet I am flawed. What I want will only matter if you are he. I would walk bare feet on cactus to keep you safe, to meet you one more time, to stay by your side until your last breathe, to bring you to the best you can be, to never feel alone. I am the fire in your heart that never goes cold. I am worth putting down your boyish self doubt and uncertainties, worth stepping up and holding on, worth more than your imagination can dream up, more than a childish fetish, a whim. I am not a fix to fill, a drug to surrender to, I won’t be smothered or taken for granted.

I don't need to feel put down, shut out or pulled apart. I want the one who sees control is only needed in the self and anything else is an attempt to make me the woman I never was, cannot be & never will. Everything about me is who I am. I dance to my own rhythm, sing to my own tune; anything else will hold me back from dancing at all, creates the silence that lingers between us. I cannot be the love of your life if you take the life from me. I am worth holding on & also letting go, in knowing I will want you one thousand times more when I have the freedom to be wholehearted; when I can laugh & cry & reach for the stars knowing I will always return from every journey without you & you will be there as if we were two souls from another life, never apart.

I will go with you to places neither have ever been & our senses will forever be changed. I will listen when everyone else has closed their ears, I will see in you the things you refuse to see yourself, want you to be the person you always thought you could be & stay beside you, when the sea is rough, as you learn to adjust the sails, if you know my worth.

If you can bare me at my deepest hours, when I’m drained and I am weak. If you can see my beauty within the tired eyes, endless days, the long hours to be the best mother I can be. If you can see me at my worst and still hold me when it’s not my finest hour, if you feel me in your bones when we’re apart; if holding me in your heart doesn't require keeping me tied to your side; If you understand that love isn't an anchor or a heavy chain & can love me for who I am not who you need me to be, all of me, the bits you love the most & the parts I do, I will love you until our days are no more.

Our greatest lesson in life is realising if we can dream it, we can do it. If we are wanting, then we must be that which we desire. That no one leaves us, we let them go, we are the sum of all our choices, our indecision, our thoughts & our actions. We do not need permission to love & those that require it neither have our best interest at heart or understand who we are. We must be the person we are seeking, the women we are worth. Everything is there for the taking if we only accept that which we think we deserve, if we know what we are worth &  we accept nothing less. 

I am worth everything you've experienced before you, I am the sense, the clarity from all that seemed blurred, I make your universe want to last forever. I will want you with every part of my being, the man who knows my worth.